It’s official. I am flat broke. Tomorrow I’ll walk around Emeryville until someone hires me on the spot, even if it means I have to quit in a week or so when I get a real job. I’ll wash dishes for a meal right now. I’ll shine your shoes, sure. Just give me a little rice or that lettuce that’s past its prime, and I’ll gladly do your math homework for you. Need your computer fixed or your house cleaned? No problem. Want a fence painted? A dimmer switch installed? A doghouse built? If you’ll provide a meal, you’ve got yourself a deal.

I’ve applied to about 30 or so jobs via craigslist, but I haven’t the BART money to apply in person. My one shift at Venus isn’t forthcoming yet (this past Saturday was my “retraining,” as if I’ve forgotten how to make a lattç, and I don’t get the meager training paycheck until next week sometime), and any job I do get, even in the next few days, isn’t likely to pay me for another week, at the very least. Still, I maintain that coming out here was a good idea, no matter how broke I am, and things will work out. I’ll have proper employment very soon, and a place of my own within a few weeks of that, considering that Carlos’ generosity means that I have no expenses other than food, transportation, and laundry until I find a place of my own.

In the meantime, I’ll only wear my more presentable clothing when I’m looking for work, and I’ll sell toenail clippings on ebay or something for food. I’m glad I still have multivitamins and strongly caffeinated tea.

I’m convinced that Jesus Christ was a waiter sometime between the ages of 13 and 30. That’s why such a large portion of his life went undocumented. Maybe it was a carpentry-themed restaurant. Latkes were “potato drywall.” It wasn’t a very successful restaurant, mind you.

I, personally, would like to read a chronology of Jesus’ missing years, written as a joke. “Oh, Christ! You’re short-pouring the Manischewitz again!”

Other things I have lined up in my reading queue:
Ashes to Ashes : America’s Hundred-Year Cigarette War, the Public Health, and the Unabashed Triumph of Philip Morris
The Writings of Carlos Castaneda

I found out recently that my old webserver is indeed dead and gone. Its remains were witnessed by a friend of mine, which means those 3 years of my life are gone, not including the little you can find through the Wayback Machine. Ah, well. Many of my physical posessions have also been lost to the world, including my high school diploma, my baby book, and many pictures of people I don’t keep in touch with. Just another reason I’d love to live in the mountains of a foreign country. Also another reason Memento scares the platelets out of me — my memories are very valuable right now. They’re the only thing that can’t be taken from me prove I existed.

I got my Robocop-appendage removed yesterday and posted the pictures today (the pins in my wrist are still there). I’m in a cast now for another week; when I get back from CA the cast is coming off and the pins are coming out. I’m looking forward to a painful recovery.

In the meantime, though, I’m looking forward to finding my heart back in San Francisco.

Inspectors failed to perform a required mad cow test on a suspicious cow in Texas, the U.S. Agriculture Department said on Monday, just as the Bush administration is pushing to reopen world markets to U.S. beef.
…
Last year, USDA tested only 20,000 cattle for mad cow disease, a level criticized by consumer groups as inadequate, out of about 36 million slaughtered. For an 18 month period starting in June, USDA aims to test at least 200,000 cattle.

US Mad Cow Test Procedure Violated in Texas-USDA – Reuters

The Japanese, who test every animal for mad cow disease, will not allow American beef imports again until the U.S. cattle industry does the same.
In order to resume selling beef in Asia, Stewart made an offer: He would test every animal that came through his facility for mad cow disease, and he would pay the cost of having the government oversee the tests.
But the U.S. Department of Agriculture refused.
“They’ve told us if we attempt to buy those test kits and use them, they are going to put me in jail,” Stewart said.
The government has never allowed private testing. And even though test kits are available, they are not licensed.
…
The USDA estimates testing all cattle could cost $1 billion. The rest of the cattle industry, which could be forced by competition to test as well, is siding with the government.

Mad Cow, Madder Cattleman: Rancher Willing to Pay for Mad Cow Tests, But USDA Says No – ABCNews

The recent case of a Texas cow that had symptoms of mad cow disease but was not tested is not an isolated event, a federal veterinarian told UPI.

USDA vet: Texas mad cow breach not unique – Washington Times

USDA said no part of the animal, killed on April 27, entered the human food chain.

USDA Says Procedure Not Followed with Texas Cow – Reuters

The FDA planned to send a letter to the business saying it “will not object to use of this material in swine feed only” because pigs are not considered [emphasis mine] susceptible to mad cow disease, one in a family of illnesses known to infect grass-eating animals.

FDA Says Texas Cow OK for Swine Feed – Guardian

Animals that have been destroyed can still be processed at rendering plants that prepare animal byproducts for use in consumer goods, from cosmetics to gelatin for drug capsules. The government believes such items pose no risk to human health.

Ill Texas Cow Killed Before It Was Tested – Guardian

Commercial melatonin may be extracted from bovine pineal gland. There may be a risk of contracting mad cow disease.

Melatonin – Wikipedia

I am most productive on the couch and on the porch (and occasionally on the toilet, in more ways than one), where I perform my computer-related activities. These mostly include catching up with the News and the Weblog World, but occasionally involve work on the new website design, once I work out the kinks and the too-obvious security flaws. Currently, I’m working on the integration of Geeklog, MovableType, Gallery, and phpAbook. [rant style="defensive"]This happens to be incredibly similar to the setup over at Cementhorizon, which I do visit daily, but I swear that it is purely a happy accident. I came upon each piece of software by googling for scripts which provided the functionality I desired, and only once, with Geeklog, did I find it on the web and say “Hey, Gene uses this” before installing it on my own server.[/rant]

The rest of my time on the couch, sadly, has involved TV. Now, I had been anti-TV for several years, so my first impulse (while I still had money in the bank) was Netflix. The problem is that the movies just don’t come fast enough, and with my attention span dwindling, as well as my mental state not always allowing for the intensive concentration that the computer requires (Thank you Percocet), I find myself tuning in to regular programming. We’ve never, in all my life, subscribed to cable or satellite TV, so I have very limited options.

My typical day (start and end times vary, as do programming choices, occasionally):
Today in Florida; Family Feud (twice); The Price Is Right; News at Noon (lots of station flippage here); Who Wants to Be a Millionaire; Frasier; King of the Hill; Break for half an hour; Archie’s Weird Mysteries (or Sabrina the cartoon); Astro Boy; Static Shock; Millionaire (again); Pyramid (I hate this show); The Simpsons (twice); Seinfeld (twice); Friends; Everybody Loves Raymond (but hates his voice); Prime Time Television (tonight it was Friends [twice, or maybe three times] followed by Will & Grace); News for a bit (more flippage); Will & Grace; Friends; Raymond; Will & Grace; Spin City; The Drew Carey Show; Dharma and Greg; The Tonight Show (second airing, usually I’m on the computer by now, moving towards the idea of sleep)

As you can see, I have a full schedule. I also find it a fully repulsive schedule, but hey, it passes the time, and when you’re in a drug-induced daze (for more than six weeks) or you’re coping with opiate withdrawal (as I have been for the last week now, Thanks again Percocet), that’s all you really care to do. Some of the Primetime programs I watch (all WB, the Relive Your Teenage Angst Channel) include Smallville, Everwood, One Tree Hill, and Angel. Keep in mind I am proud of NONE of this (and I bold things sparingly, remember).

The tinkling itself was uneventful enough not to spend too much time retelling. The zip-up, however, was the nub of the night, the peril of my penile performance, and the wicked wind-up for my weeing wanker. I had been using my left hand to aim, and my right to balance against a nearby column. Upon “Evacuation: Complete,” I used my left to tuck away, and my right for the zipping. Men’s zippers are designed for right-handed use. Lefties are out of luck: you can stick to Velcro.

Anyway, I woke up lying on cement, surrounded by people telling me not to move, staring up at the cement rafters inside of the parking garage. I don’t remember impact, or walking back into the garage, but I must have, as that was where I found myself. Covered in blood. I had no idea where the blood came from.

The next few days I spent fading in and out of consciousness at the hospital. I have few memories of that time, but they contain copious painkillers and vague CAT scans. I remember the pain from when one of the many doctors set my wrist. He called it a “closed reduction.” I wanted to call him lots of things. In addition to the wrist injury – which I would later learn was very severe – I now have a lightning-shaped scar on my forehead. Move over Harry Potter.

I now have what’s called an external fixator on my arm, after nearly a month and a half in casts and splints. Part man, part machine, part child magician, but lacking the powers and facilities of any of the three. Would someone please cut my dinner into bite-sized pieces?

This post was composed on April 16th, but not published until May 12th. Sorry for the delay. I was indisposed.

Within the next week, solely by coincidence, I read an article in a science magazine to which I had a subscription (maybe it was Scientific American, I can’t remember) on Chronic Wasting Disease, another prion disease which affects deer and elk. The article recommended some further reading and that’s when my attention was truly caught. What interested me most was the incidence of CWD in the United States, and the research showing that CWD could be passed across the species barrier, as well as from wild to captive populations. Syllogize that information, and you realize how truly at-risk our cattle ranches are.

Meanwhile, governmental policy in the US is based on restricting the importation of cattle products from countries with known infections, and pays no regard to the possibility of pre-existing infection in this country. The US government is performing the same cover-ups and gloss-overs and embracing the same selective science that got Britian in trouble in the 1980’s.

Take this article, for example.

The statement that “whole cuts of beef – steaks, chops, roasts – are generally safe to eat because mad cow disease is not known to affect the cattle’s muscle meat” was my first red flag. The first part of the sentence doesn’t follow from the reason given. Insert the word “considered” before the phrase “generally safe” and it reads something closer to the truth. The real truth is that very little is known about the disease itself. Even the notion of BSE being caused by a protein is still in debate, as that idea, if proven accurate, would shake generally accepted beliefs about DNA itself. Scientists don’t enjoy altering their models of nature. The basic ideas about DNA, RNA, and virus replication are the basis for modern virology and bacteriology, and changing those models would preclude changing the very way we treat and control disease in general.

Anyway, I could rip up the whole Q&A, but I’d never get around to finishing this entry if I tried. The folks at Metafilter feel the same way about similar articles and statements. I recommend reading their discussion and a few of their cited websites.

I also recommend reading:
Mad Cow USA by Sheldon Rampton (Contributor), John C. Stauber
Deadly Feasts: The “Prion” Controversy and the Public’s Health by Richard Rhodes (my highest recommendation; contains the most scientific background)
Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser (Author) (about the meat industry)
Toxin by Robin Cook (Fiction, but based on quite a bit of research on the beef industry)